FN'F: Indiana Jones
It Belongs in a Museum!
Welcome back to Feats N’ Faults, where our Tiered Point System ranks and records our favorite characters based on their achievements and deeds. Please check the About Page for a more in-depth look at how points are awarded. Our Tier System is below for quick reference. Spoiler Warning!
Welcome back to Feat N’ Faults! Today is the day. A couple of months ago, we had our first poll to select the next IP covered on Feat N’ Faults. You made your voices heard, and Indiana Jones was the most requested series. Now I thought this was going to be easy. Five movies, I can watch that in a weekend and get this out right away. Little did I know that Lucas put out a series of 22 feature-length episodes. So instead of five, I had to watch 27 movies! It took a lot longer than expected, but the journey was fantastic.
Today we will be covering Indy’s family and friends, as well as Indiana Jones himself. Who do you think will come out on top, and can Indy break that coveted 100 barrier? Let’s find out!
Let’s Get Started!
12th Place, Anna Jones: 2 FN’F Score (1992-1993) 7 ep.
Anna Jones is Indiana’s mother, and while she never appears in the movie, she does have a significant presence in the show. There is not much to say about her. She exists and acts as a good mother for Indy. I almost did not track her contributions until the crazy fact that she cheated and almost left her family for Puccini! It was a genuinely tense episode with a very pushy man. In the end, she comes to her senses, but I honestly did not know what would happen.
11th Place, Marcus Brody: 2 FN’F Score (1981-1989) 2 Movies
Marcus does not do much in these movies. He is a recognized and appreciated character, but he mostly gives Indy his missions and a few tidbits of information. In The Last Crusade, he got some field action, but we see how inept he was at it. He was able to knock out a Nazi, and what more can be asked from an Indiana Jones character?
10th Place, Willie Scott: 3 FN’F Score (1984) 1 Movie
I love Willie. She is my favorite Indiana Jones love interest because she feels the most real in the face of the most ridiculous aspect of these adventures. Yes, she screams and is hesitant to follow, but who wouldn’t be! She is a singer who just wanted to go home and maybe get laid by Harrison Ford. I can’t blame the lady for trying either, but she did not sign up for this and has no expertise in this matter. I would be scared too if I found a secret cannibal death cult with mines of child slaves. She was even thrown out of a plane with no parachute and rode down a mountain in a dinghy. I mean, we should really show pity for the girl.
However, despite her trepidation, she conquered her fears and saved Indy and Short Round from being crushed to death. Willie also helped during the mine cart race and took out another cart. Finally, her biggest accomplishment was freeing dozens of child slaves from the mines. Not too bad for a lost singer.
9th Place, Teddy: 5 FN’F Score (2023) 1 Movie
Teddy is one of Indy's most recent companions. It would be more accurate to say that he was Helena’s companion and never saw eye to eye with Indy. He wants to steal artifacts and sell them to the highest bidder, which is very anti-Indy. The kid also has an interest in flying planes, which comes in handy when he steals a plane to follow Indy and the gang back in time. Surprisingly, he was also able to take out the big bruiser of the movie. Teddy drowned him underwater and escaped capture. Not too bad for a kid; Short Round would be proud.
Since Teddy is more of a petty pickpocket, he did not earn a single fault. Instead, this thief was scored more like a villain or anti-hero and earned credit for pickpocketing and hustling to survive. Sometimes it pays off to be bad.
8th Place, Mutt Williams: 6 FN’F Score (2008) 1 Movie
Mutt is one of the best aspects of The Crystal Skull. Shia Lebouf might not be for everyone, but I have always enjoyed his acting and characters. It is a shame that we were never able to see him take up the mantle of his old man, but his potential is evident. In one movie, he earned zero faults even though he is the young kid on the scene. Instead, he is an expert at driving, fighting, and even vine swinging for some reason. He is Indy’s son. I wish there was more to say, but Mutt disappeared and then enlisted only to die in the Vietnam War. Not a very ceremonious end for the heir to the hat and whip.
7th Place, Marion: 8 FN’F Score (1981-2023) 3 Movies
Unfortunately, Marion is indeed this low on our tier list. The problem is that none of Indy’s partners were able to score very high, since he is a glutton for action and for scoring his own feats. This left very little for the sidekicks to do. Even though she appears in three movies, it was his first where she was able to have the most impact. The scene with the plane allowed her to mow down Nazi’s and deliver my favorite death in the entire series, where she eviscerated a man with the propellers. Oof, what a fantastically choreographed scene.
When it comes to her role in the plot, there is no wonder why she was able to marry Indy. She is just the right amount of nonsense to put Indy in his place and deal with his mouth.
6th Place, Henry Jones Sr: 9 FN’F Score (1989-1993) 8 ep. 1 Movie
Professor Jones, the original, I might add, has an interesting history in Indiana Jones lore. The first time we are introduced to the character is in the 1989 film The Last Crusade. Here we find an ideological man who is obsessed with his discoveries and knowledge and not as concerned about his son. This puts a wrench in things as we go back to the past and explore the adventure of Young Indiana Jones. Since they had already established the endpoint and resolution for his character, we had to be stuck with this grumpy, scholarly man, who only on occasion showed signs of joy or acceptance of his son. On one of these occasions, he was forced to take his son on a trip to a monastery in the mountains, and they got stuck in a pulley dangling halfway up the mountain all night. During this episode, we did get some bonding and a beautiful dynamic between the two. Still, this encouraging scene was short-lived, as Indy soon left to join the Belgian Army during WWI without talking to his father. The scars were too deep to fix this relationship until the end, when Indy helped him find his passion, the Holy Grail.
When it comes to feats, Jones Sr. does two of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed. Yes, yes, the first has to be finding the actual Holy Grail. That’s fine and dandy, but this dude used a flock of seagulls to destroy a plane! Then he just popped open his umbrella, and a fighter pilot blew up above them. If you do not find that impressive, then you can go ahead and stop reading.
5th Place, Helena Shaw: 10 FN’F Score (2023) 1 Movie
I have a complex relationship with Helena Shaw. As most of you can tell, I love strong women characters in media. I have always gravitated toward characters like Ripley, Buffy, and Android 18. Unfortunately, I think Helena is a very flawed character to the extent that she does not vibe with me. Her actions are always selfish to the point that she uses her godfather to gain the dial of Archimedes and then locks him in a room with a group of murderous agents. She has no sympathy for Indy. She also just wants to sell these artifacts for money. They never revisit that aspect or show how she has changed and realizes they belong with the people of that culture or in a museum.
All that being said, she is still talented. She is a clever archeologist/treasure hunter and is useful in a fight. She beat some Nazis, stole some artifacts, and graduated from college. Sounds like the beginning of Indiana’s story too. Now she just needs to find a moral compass, and we might have a half-decent character to headline a series.
4th Place, Short Round: 10 FN’F Score (1984) 1 Movie
Yay, it’s Short Round! Short Round is my favorite out of all of Indy’s companions. Remmy is a close second, but Shorty is the perfect balance for the darkness of the Temple of Doom. Temple of Doom has its problems, but it is my favorite out of the movies. Shorty is a big reason for this. I have no idea where he came from, but I like the idea that Indy has made friends so many places that he just runs into them. My headcanon is that Shorty was just trying to make a buck driving a cab when Indy fell into his car after escaping from the club. I cannot think of a logical explanation for how Short Round would have known Indy would be jumping out of that window, on that floor, in that club, and have a car ready. Instead, Indy got lucky and just happened to know the driver, and they went off to have an adventure. It is just more charming and fun to think of it that way.
When it comes to feats, Short Round was really close to being the best partner Indy has had. He only got one movie to shine but did not let it go to waste. He saved Willie and Indy on multiple occasions. If it were not for him, Indy would still have been brainwashed in that temple, ripping hearts out of people. It still guts me when Indy hits Short Round, but it is when he apologizes that it really hits me in the feels.
3rd Place, Sallah: 10 FN’F Score (1981-2023) 3 Movies
Oh, my darling Sallah. Sallah tied with Short Round for the second- and third-best partner Indy had. Sallah is a trusted ally and partner to Indy. He is a recognizable figure, but many would be surprised at how little he is actually on screen. In the end, he earned his namesake by running a digging company and helping Jones find the Ark of the Covenant. His one fault was that instead of saving Marcus, he went and put him in the back of the enemy’s truck and watched them drive away. Eh, what are you going to do? Marcus was helpless in the field.
2nd Place, Remy Baudouin: 13 FN’F Score (1992-1993) 9 ep.
Second place is going to shock a lot of people. I’m not sure how familiar Indiana Jones fans are with the TV series, but Remy played a huge role in Indy’s past. We first find Remy as a Belgian who joined Pancho Villa’s revolution. When WWI broke out, he took Indy with him to enlist in the Belgian Army, and they served together for many years. They fought side by side in the trenches, traveled through the Congo, and were then enlisted by the French Secret Service together. They lived and survived off each other in those early years, and once you know that foundation, it is no wonder why he is Indy’s best companion. This Belgian went through a lot, and the last time we see him, he is obsessed with the crystal that Indy was trying to procure at the beginning of Temple of Doom. We never hear what happens to Remy, but I hope he finally went home to his wife and not on some crazy adventure for a change.
1st Place, Indiana Jones: 153 FN’F Score (1981-2023) 22 ep. 5 Movies
It was never a surprise who would come in first place. Indiana Jones is a legend that has never left public consciousness. Since the first series, there has always been some sort of Indy project. Having the same portrayal of a character be prominent for five decades is a feat in itself. A lot of the credit has to be given to Harrison Ford’s charisma. He embodies this character like no one else could, and it always bugs me when they want to recast the character. He is perfect, and this property has lasted long enough. There is no shame in trying something new, and let this juggernaut of a property with five movies and 22 feature-length episodes rest.
You aren’t here to listen to me ramble on about how to handle a property. Instead, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of Indy’s feats. His childhood was insane. Every episode had you trying to guess where and who would show up next. It gives you whiplash sometimes. One episode started with Indy going to prom and ended with him somehow getting wrapped up in the Mexican Revolution and joining Pancho Villa. There is just too much to talk about, so I am going to summarize everyone he met. He hunted with Theodore Roosevelt in the African Savannah, acted with Wyatt Earp, ran away with Leo Tolstoy, and discussed psychology with Freud and Jung over dinner. Every episode had this kid or teen engaging with an important historical figure or participating in historic events. The series really is a masterpiece of history and television. It can be hard to find, as I had to pay a pretty penny to get all three collections on DVD, so don’t say I never do anything for the fans haha.
When it comes to the movies, Indy found the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, Aliens, a forgotten cannibalistic death cult, and traveled through time! He also defeated and expelled the immortal Vlad the Impaler during the TV series. These mystical aspects combined with the nitty-gritty of our world are what make Indy so special for me. It reminds me of a world that still has mysteries and magic, much like ancient Greece or Mayan cultures viewed the world around them. It is fun to put that lens on a more modern world and see what it would be like to add that pinch of magic that we so desperately lack now.
Now it is time for my favorite part. Let’s see how Indy compares to other pop culture figures we have covered so far. First, when we covered Pirates of the Caribbean, I asked whether Jack Sparrow would be able to outscore Indiana Jones. We can see now it is no contest, and Indy almost doubled Jack’s score! Indy has also scored higher than Sabine Wren from Star Wars and Jo Grant from Doctor Who! Those are some heavy-hitting sci-fi properties he was able to beat. Better not mess with a man with a whip.
Thank you for tuning in to another feed of Feats N’ Faults. This property really got out of hand for me, so I will be doing a review separately. With so many movies and a TV series, it is hard to put it into this already bloated weekly episode. We will also be covering some of the villains in a future feed, so be sure to subscribe to stay up to date. Let me know in the comments who you would like to see next, and I hope you have an adventurous week. Go visit your local museums, and I will see you next Thursday for more Feats N’ Faults.
Thinking you only had 5 movies and then having to watch basically 27 movies is basically the most FnF thing ever.